Musharraf's Diary - 'Private and Confidential'

Below is an imaginative diary entry of General Pervez Musharraf, self proclaimed CEO, pakistan. I always considered him to have a foot in the mouth disease. This has been confirmed last month with his outbursts on Washington Post, subsequent denying that only a stupid can make such remarks and then caught with his pants down when washingtonpost has released the audio tapes of the interview. For those who missed the action here is a blog which has an overview of what had happened.

Musharraf's Diary Entry:

Another day of hectic meetings because of the earthquake.  Yesterday Sehba Musharraf gave  an interview to CNN. Actually CNN asked me for the interview. But Sehba is angry with me for messing up the Washington Post interview. So, she said she would go instead. It all happened because of my secretary. I thought this washington post is a pashto newspaper from wazaristan. my secretary dint tell me about it. he also dint tell me they have recorded the interview. thatz why i asked them if i am that stupid to say those words. anyway,  I have sent my secretary to ISI chief for 'debriefing'.

Today also CNN asked for interview. Sehba has given yesterday. Ma is not doing well. else I would have sent her today. Finally I had to go for the interview. but I made sure this time they are not recording anything. I have personally checked  the interviewers pockets also. That person asked me if I am afraid corruption would deny the aid reaching the victims. i got angry. what will a commando be afraid of?? I said I am chairing the rehalibation authority and 'I will chair and I will spear at it'. That cameraman is gigling at me. I will have to send him also for debriefing.

india offered helicopters for relief operations. We told them we dont want their pilots. when the amrekans can give F16s without their pilots, why wont the indians give helicopters. Manmohan Singh called me on the hotline today. He said he will send the helicopters without pilots.. and without engines too. I said no. why did I say no?? This mouth is habituated to denying everything. I should have taken them. Afterall, these indoos dont know that our pilots can 'drive' helicopters in any state. No problem, I will call him tomorrow and ask why the helicopters were not sent. I can always ask if he thinks i'm so stupid to deny helicopters. Wonder if he too is recording my words.. I dont think so. these indoos are not as intelligent as amrekans.

earthquake gave me an opportunity to continue as president even after 2007. i can say pakistan needs me for the reconstruction. But are these ppl enlightened and moderated to let me continue?? anyway, sehba's interview was very good. after 2007, what if i make sehba as president. i shud ask laloo about suggestions. he will help me after the reception i gave him last time he was in pakistan. If not, I can always bribe him with grass for his cows. we have so much of it that bhutto said we will eat grass if required to make the nuklear bomb. this reminds me of the our nuklear bombs. I told everyone that they wont fall in wrong hands. but those guys dont know that their wrong man is my right [read jihadi/freedom figher] man.

Aymen al-Zawahiri called up on fone. He said he is worried about the transportation for osama as all the mules are hired for earthquake relief. I said I will send him sitara car. Asked him not to worry about the kafir components in it. Its 100% made in pakistan. I too wanted to use it. but security is a problem without the roof.

nawaz sharrif also called me up today. he refered the CNN  interview where I told we wont stop anyone who are working for reconstruction. he said he is coming back to work in reconstruction.. hmm.. what do I do now? no problem... those CNN people havent recorded the interview.

In the evening, haven't missed playing bridge and boozed with my bridge buddies. No moderation here. No Enlightenment also. earthquake or tsunami, i shudnot miss my timetable. after all, i am the first professional president and CEO.

Tomorrow will be another hectic day. but i wont keep an alarm to getup early. not required. afterall, this condi rice never lets me sleep coming in my dreams. she always reminds me of my english teacher who used to box my ears. wonder why condi always boxes my ears in my dreams. [read update June 24, 2005 on condi snubs musharraf]

P.S.  Though this background of this imaginative piece is Pakistan during these fateful days, when it is struggling with rescue and reconstruction, I have no intention of hurting the feelings of ordinary pakistanis. This is the first time, I am trying my hand at spoof. So, please excuse me if this is in bad taste.  The 'ideas' for this blog originated from Graeme Smiths Diary Entries. More on that on my previous blog entry.